I Have A Cool Hat Also, Mr. Amish Man

YouTube won't let people embed their videos anymore. Assholes.

Amish Paradise Quiz:

1. In the opening shot, why was he standing and staring at his shoes?
a) He was contemplating the way man came from dust
b) He was simulating a hanging
c) He was kicking himself for not harvesting enough grain this year
OR d) he had just wet himself.

Please explain your answer.

2. Which drugs was PlainWife on?
a) Prozac
b) Lithium
c) Acid
d) All of the above, plus heroin on bad days.

3. Who is the creepy lady Amish Guy is singing to?
a) His dead mother, taxidermied
b) His dead mother, taxidermied and mummified.
c) His dead mother, taxidermied, mummified, and made into a blowup doll.
d) Jezebel.

4. How much is Amish Guy enjoying churning that butter?
a) SO much.
b) WAY too much.
c) Not quite enough.
d) He should be shot.

5. How much of a discount would YOU require to buy one of those quilts?
a) 50%
b) 99.9%
c) Maybe if you threw in a cow, pre-milked.
d) I would rather live in Amish Paradise than buy one of those quilts.

Please Note: D is the correct answer.

6. What are your feelings toward the butt-kicking little boy?
a) He is going to hell.
b) He is awesome.
c) He is the living embodiment of every fantasy I've ever had.
d) All of the above.

7. What hand gesture was Amish Guy making to the tourists?
a) Peace
b) Thumbs-up.
c) A-okay.
d) Mimicking a gun firing.

8. What came out of the telephone?
a) Anthrax.
b) Cocaine.
c) Illicit donut powder (those Amish-- so secretive about their sugar fixes!)
d) Casper the Friendly Ghost

9. What was the barn made out of?
a) Wood from Noah's original ark.
b) Play-Doh.
c) Cowpie.
d) Rag dolls.

10. Who styled Amish Guy's hair?
a) A blind sadist.
b) Mary Poppins
c) Dr. Suess
d) Both (a) and (b)

The winner will receive an all-expenses-paid (even the Valium!), permanent vacation to Lancaster, PA! Step right up, don't be shy! You could spend all your time hanging with Amish Guy!