Remember the self-congratulatory/egomaniac entry I mentioned? Here it is.
A person (who was no doubt drinking heavily at the time) actually read my stuff and thought to herself, “Hey, that’s pretty good! Lady Snark is one hell of a writer! I think I’ll publish this and pay her for it!”
And no, that person was not me. Of course, I do pay myself to write and praise myself copiously, because I have an ego the size of Montana. But somehow, it’s just different when someone else has these thoughts about you.
My friend Kelly and I have been writing together for months now. Our shared interests in personal finance and writing, plus the fact that we’re almost too cool to function, threw us into the following chain of events:
-I think to myself, “Hey, I like to write and balance a checkbook, mainly because I’m a freak of nature. Also, I am young. I should write about money for other young people!”
-I meet Kelly on a money message board devoted to personal finance, on which I have been posting for over a year. I decide that she is cool.
-I learn that she is my age, also likes to write, and has in fact published her writing in the past. I decide that she is cooler than me.
-The food processor of my mind takes this information, mashes it up, and produces the following thought: Kelly and I should write personal finance articles for young people together! A little butterfly flaps his wings…
-I share my idea with Kelly. She likes it and thinks we will work well together. I decide that her coolness, much like mine, cannot be measured.
-Kelly and I write a mess of articles about finance. Because we both have a work ethic and the ability to type really fast, we soon have more material than we know what to do with (100+ pages).
-We begin submitting our work to the editors of MSN.com, which is the website with which we’re most familiar and believe we have the best shot. Excitement and New York Times Bestseller fantasies ensue.
-Weeks go by. We do not hear back from MSN.com. Happiness does not ensue.
-Kelly is a rock star and gets herself published in a local paper. Then she gets a cover article. I am simultaneously pleased for her and concentrating on keeping my jealous rage under wraps.
-Kelly uses her considerable persuasive powers (I suspect hypnosis was involved) on a mutual friend of ours from the same message board, and convinces her what a good idea it would be to have us writing a mini-financial column for her website, SparkNotes.
-Said mutual friend agrees to take a look at our work.
-Said mutual friend likes our work! She is just amazingly cool. Shows it to her editor.
-Editor likes our work! Agrees to publish a weekly advice column and a bi-monthly mini-financial column! We are officially freelance writers!
-Kelly and I do a happy dance! With multiple exclamation points! Yes, of course a happy dance can have proper punctuation!
-We run around telling our friends and family that we have a column. Happiness ensues.
-And today, holiest of all holy days, our first column is published.
Without further ado, ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the world premiere of…